Call Me by My Name

Hello is one of the first things you say to me- an awkward pause, a wave with shrugged shoulders and an I don’t know what to do smile.

We sit in silence after. The darkness interrupted by the crepuscular light. I wonder who you see when you look at this face. Do you see her; the girl born into this body, thrown onto the floor, shattered into a million pieces or do you see me? Ah, you called her name. You called me by her name. I wonder, do the vowels of her name squish like rotten fruit in your mouth the same way the sound of your lips saying her name pierces my eardrums? Of course not. How would it? How would her name make you feel anything? You are not the one with a secret covered up by her name.

You say you know me. Say you know me better than I know myself. You know me well enough to insult me, tell me what to feel, what I want, what I like and how I like it, yet; you have never called me by my name. Call me by my name and on that day there will be no need for hello with awkward pauses, shrugged shoulders or shy smiles. When you finally call me by my name I will only hear “I love you" and know this time it was meant for me.